What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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