you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
