Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
