yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
