You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
