i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
