I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
