i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
