So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
