Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
