i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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