Dual....:-)
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
