doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
