one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
