My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
