dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
