I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
