PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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