this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
