She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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