now i know why i became what i already was.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize