thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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