David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
