drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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