So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
