Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
