Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
