that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Who wears a wallet chain?!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
