Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
