If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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