I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
