Soap is not a condiment
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
