she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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