Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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