My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just invented taco cereal.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
