I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
