bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
