Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
