yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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