I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
that is very illegal...i love you.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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