her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
