drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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