I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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