which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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