All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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