they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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