Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize