i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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