i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
