no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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