i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
