my mouth tastes like poor choices
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
