You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
