you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
