she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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