I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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