Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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