i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
