Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
