There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
