I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
