I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Cover your peen. We're going out.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
