The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize