I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
