I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
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