Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
