we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
