ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize