The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
