I wannas sexs uuuuu
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
