She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
