mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
