Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
