How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
