i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
