the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
