The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
