Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
