ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
