I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
