they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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