I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
