I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize