Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
