I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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