HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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