3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Verdict: uncircumcised.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
