I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
