I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
