Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry đŹ
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled âfive times and I still havenât gotten offâ when he was still inside me ..
Said âdonât worry Iâll get myself off tomorrowâ to top it all off
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