Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
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