Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
