It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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