Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
