She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
