so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
