Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
too bad you live with your parents still
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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