Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
