I'm going to jail i love you
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
