I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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