WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
